Cheating is considered one of the worst affronts to a relationship. It’s right up there with physical/emotional abuse and substance addictions. It causes a massive rift between partners and shoots holes in the trust the couple thought would get them through all of life’s trials.
You thought you were knee-deep in love, that your relationship was bullet proof.
We all know in the backs of our minds that anyone is capable of making such poor choices, but admitting out loud that your relationship is seriously flawed is as painful as smashing your own finger with a hammer, on purpose.
Infidelity is a threat to marriage, but is it an insurmountable issue?
Can a good marriage survive infidelity?
The answer to that question lies in what caused the infidelity.
Yes, I know, someone had a roving eye and couldn’t keep his/her pants on. But, why?
The reason a person is unfaithful has everything to do with the odds of saving the marriage.
- The cheater’s spouse has also been unfaithful
- The cheater’s spouse refuses sex or doesn’t want it often enough
- The cheater’s spouse has a mental disorder
- The cheater’s spouse is abusive/addicted
- The cheater’s spouse isn’t attractive anymore
- The cheater is bored with the relationship
- The cheater was drunk/high at the time of the infidelity
- The cheater was influenced by friends
- The cheater has low moral values
So, what is a smart, strong woman to do when she finds out her husband has been unfaithful…after she cries her eyes out?
1. Does she plan to chop off his Salami with a meat cleaver while he’s sleeping?
2. Does she tie his Wee Weenie Wanker to the hitch on her Ford Bronco, letting him kick and buck all the way to her lawyer’s office?
3. Does she give Long Dong Silver one more ride before she tells him to hit the trail?
Well, those are valid options. Here’s another:
She could consider whether she had any part in his transgression. Ouch! *ducking the rotten tomatoes*
Seriously, I would take a look back to see if there was anything I could have done better or differently. No? You sure?
I read somewhere that a therapist said, “As a therapist who works with couples every day, I can categorically state that it is possible to repair the marriage after infidelity.”
Raise your hand if you believe this therapist lives in the real world.
Okay, all kidding aside…if the reason for the unfaithfulness is set in poor communication between spouses, it seems reasonable to expect that the problem can be fixed, if both parties agree to work at it. It would require forgiveness and an ability to close the door on that episode and move on.
Or, it may just be time to let the relationship go, especially if the necessary change involves a person’s character. Expecting a character change is like expecting to win the lottery. Odds are that it probably won’t happen.
A smart, strong woman knows herself well, knows whether she played a part in digging this plot hole in their marital relationship. Whether she has or not, if it’s worth saving, she’ll do whatever is necessary to fix it. If it can’t be fixed, she’ll acknowledge that, let it go and move on to the next chapter in her life.
She knows she isn’t a failure. She did all she could do. And she’s okay with that.
What would you do? Could you forgive and forget? Or would choose one my 3 options to solve the problem?
(I sincerely appologize if I have offended anyone with my humorous and irreverant discussion of a very serious topic. I also hope none of my readers have or ever will have to experience such a difficult issue.)
Just a reminder–Sherry Isaac is posting today at the Life List Club Blog and I’ll be posting there on Friday! Please stop by to see us and chat!