Embracing Midlife – Part 3, The Best Sex of Your Life

If you’re between 40 and 60, you’ve entered an age of change. Most people fear or are uncomfortable with change.

Change means accepting a new set of circumstances. What if they’re bad? What if I can’t be the person I’ve just come to know and love?

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” –Jim Rohn

Change is neither good nor bad. Change just is. And it’s what you make it.

Remember puberty? Your skin changed, you grew more hair, your voice matured, and you suddenly noticed the opposite   sex. You survived it, right? You also came through that time a little different but a better you.

Midlife is pretty much the same. During this time your hormones ride a roller coaster. ..and then finally, they diminish.

Most of the changes you face are due to certain hormones slipping away. Don’t get nervous! There is something you can do.Lost youth cartoon

First, let’s look at the changes men can expect:

Your hair gets gray, your skin wrinkles, you put on a little weight and you don’t feel like doing anything. You used to be able to lift your 50 lb. child like he was a sack of potatoes. Now a 30 lb bag of mulch has you huffing and puffing.

Nothing has the zing it used to have. You can’t figure out why. Your mood is bland and the only thing that gets you excited anymore is when your team wins the tournament, and you know how seldom that happens.

In addition:

  • Fatigue
  • Body hair loss
  • Trouble with concentration

Worst of all, sex isn’t so hot anymore. Sometimes you even have trouble holding an erection. How many excuses can you make to your wife? You get up the nerve to talk to your doctor because you know you can’t talk to anyone else about this.

How embarrassing. Uh oh, the doctor is telling you he’ll prescribe VIAGRA. He might as well have told you…YOU’RE OLD…and sex, as you knew it, is over!

There are various body changes that conspire to cause erectile dysfunction, including:

  • Reduced testosterone levels
  • Decreased blood flow to the penis
  • Impaired nerve function
  • Erectile tissue that has become less elastic over time

In addition, health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes head the list of physical causes of E.D. Men who experience erectile dysfunction have various options, including drugs in pill form like Viagra, drugs injected directly into the penis, mechanical devices (stop giggling!) or surgical implants.

HOLD IT! ( not literally)

While E.D. is the leading sexual problem for men, it is not inevitable.

The changes women can expect:


  • Fatigue
  • Body hair loss
  • Trouble with concentration
  • Decreased sex drive
  • Thinning skin
  • Hot flashes
  • Night sweats
  • Dizziness
  • Difficulty losing weight
  • Vaginal atrophy (use it or lose it) and dryness

Your hubby is giving you signs he wants to play tonight, and you’re trying to pretend you don’t notice because you just don’t feel like playing. Your tired and you’d rather be left alone to watch TV or read.

Lately you’re feeling as though you can’t juggle all the usual balls. You can’t focus. You forget things like your sister’s birthday, where you left your glasses, and what was it you meant to pick up at the store?

Every time you shower, you find too much hair clogging the drain. While you’re drying off, you notice your once flat stomach is now a pouch and no matter how many sit-ups you do, it doesn’t get any smaller.

And forget about trying to get a decent night’s sleep. If you aren’t sweating through the sheets, then it’s that your brain won’t shut down.

What can we all do?

Many of these changes are due to decreases in testosterone levels. Testosterone diminishes for both genders and women have the added problem of their estrogen and progesterone levels dropping.

You can increase your levels of testosterone and your circulation to increase blood flow to all parts of the body.

Some doctors will suggest testosterone therapy and that can be helpful. But there are more natural ways to get results, too. Begin with the following:

  • Exercise regularly
  • Eat a healthy diet, low in fat and high in protein, with plenty of raw fruits and vegetables, and peanuts
  • Maintain a good weight
  • Get a minimum of 7 hours sleep a night
  • Quit smoking
  • Avoid alcohol
  • Avoid stress

Try these:

Herbs and supplements –

> Herbs such as St. John’s wort and ginseng, are a good option as they increase circulation of blood in the body. They also provide more energy which is essential as fatigue is the common symptom associated with testosterone deficiency.

> Testarol is a popular testosterone supplement that is beneficial for increasing testosterone levels. It contains natural ingredients like Tribulus Terrestris and Beta-ecdysterone, that elevate testosterone levels and enhance physical performance. Beta ecdysterone is a steroid found in various plants. As it is made from natural ingredients testarol is safe and gentle to the body. Diminishing female libido in women can be treated successfully with testarol due to its ability to elevate testosterone levels as found out through clinical studies.

> B-complex vitamins improve your outlook on everything.

> Behind the funny name, Horny Goat Weed stands as  a time-tested aphrodisiac that increases libido in men and women, and improves erectile function in men. And while the exact way that horny goat weed works remains unknown, the plant has long been employed to restore sexual fire, boost erectile function, allay fatigue and alleviate menopausal discomfort.

Foods –

> According to Real Age: “Citruline, which your body converts into l-arginine, a blood vessel relaxer that enhances circulation to all your vital parts. American experts have found that knocking back a couple of glasses of watermelon juice a day raises blood levels of l-arginine significantly. (And, yes, you can buy 100% watermelon juice; if your local health-food store doesn’t have it, Amazon does.)

There are many other sources of citrulline — almonds, cantaloupe, chickpeas, cocoa, cucumber, dark chocolate, peanuts, red meat, salmon, soy, and walnuts — but none come close to delivering the amount in watermelon’s pretty pink flesh and crunchy rind. Don’t care for pickled watermelon rind? Then scrape out those little close-to-the-rind bits that are so full of citrulline.

Citrulline has another advantage: It turns into l-arginine in your artery walls, so you get the benefits right where you need them.

> Foods such as oysters, eggs, beef, cabbage, radishes and broccoli act as natural testosterone enhancers.

Other remedies –

> Lubricants for a  woman’s dryness can make sex more comfortable and thus enjoyable.

> Meditation for relaxation and better sleep.

 Note: Even though the aforementioned supplements promote sexual well-being and improve testosterone levels in men and women, consulting a qualified doctor or a competent herbalist is very necessary to know the exact dosage and the duration of treatment. Also, to minimize occurrence of testosterone supplements side effects, having them during meals is advisable. This information is based on internet research and anecdotal information. Please ask your doctor which remedies are best for you.

alec baldwin and meryl streep

That was the best sex of my life!

All that seriousness aside, sexual pleasure and interest in sex does not decrease with age for many people. Older men and women can enjoy intimacy and pleasure through sex, as well as reaffirm their shared feelings of warmth, love, and affection.

The great things about sex at an older age are that women no longer have to worry about getting pregnant! Lovemaking is more intimate, sensual and a prolonged experience.

Sex is an intimate  experience that can be shared and enjoyed throughout your life. Don’t assume that sexual activity must slow down just because you’re getting older. Address the effects of age, and keep enjoying intimacy.

Grab your main squeeze, get busy and have the BEST sex of your life!

If you’re in mid-life, are you experiencing any of these issues or are you worried about experiencing them?

Do you expect to enjoy sex with your partner well into midlife and beyond?

Do you have any funny stories to share on this topic?

You know I love hearing from you! Please share!

Please visit here on Friday…It’s Life List Club Milestone Party! We’ll all be celebrating our progress on goals and giving away prizes to a lucky subscriber!

NEWS FLASH: The Life List Club will be starring in their own blog. It launches on March 30th. You will be able to read all about the authors and find out what the LLC is all about, if you aren’t already familiar with it.

On April 4th, our newest member of the team of authors, Sherry Isaac, will be kicking off the new blog with her inaugural post, Life. List. Club! Please welcome her by stopping in to read and comment.

We’ll be posting every Wednesday and Friday. You’ll find all the authors’ blog posts in one place — no more hopping all over the blogosphere! we can’t wait to see you there!


32 thoughts on “Embracing Midlife – Part 3, The Best Sex of Your Life

  1. Pingback: C is for “CrackleSauce!” Links That Rocked My March… | Jenny Hansen's Blog

  2. Hi Marcia!

    My husband and I have recently entered middle age, but we began dealing with body changes early due to his prostate cancer/removal when he was 42. After we got over the shock of the experience and our extreme gratitude for having caught his aggressive form of cancer early, the reality of sexual changes sank in.

    The great news is that his nerves were spared through robotic surgery. Although it’s taken a number of years for him overcome the physical issues, including a disastrous stint with Viagra and Cialis (He felt like he had a hangover every time he used it.), our sex life is as satisfying, if not more than, ever before.

    I credit our heightened romance to a number of factors, including:
    * we’re best friends
    *we’re still crazy in love with each other
    * we both exercise–including weight training to stave off negative effects of aging
    *we take multi-vitamins and eat healthy, balanced meals (You’ve given us a new one to include…Horny Goat Weed. LOL)
    *we take time for us–separate from the kids
    *we’re open-minded and optimistic about the future
    *we don’t take life too seriously

    That last one may seem silly, but if you knew some of the sexual mishaps we experienced the first number of years after his surgery, you would understand. We love each other for what’s inside, not for how our bodies may perform, or not. I’d like to think that, even if the doctors hadn’t been able to save our “intercourse” sex life, our relationship would still have survived.

    Life is good!

    Thanks, Marcia, for sharing this important information for your readers. Often we think we’re the only ones going through something, and it’s just not so. If anyone wants to chat privately with me about life after protrate surgery, feel free to contact me through my website email contact.

    Oh my! My comment evolved into a post. Please forgive my enthusiasm for details. 🙂

    • No worries about the length. I love that you shared something so valuable with us! Loving each other beyond the sexual part of the relationship is more important than anything I’ve said here! I’m so happy it all worked out as it did, but I can see that if it hadn’t your relationship would still thrive! What an awesome couple you are. Thank you so much for sharing that part of your life. I love getting to know you better and how sweet it is to offer to chat with anyone with similar issues. You’re the greatest, Jolyse!

    • I’m really anxious to try the watermelon juice. On Amazon it’s $30 for a 12 pack of small bottles but it might be worth it. Let me know how you make out!

  3. Marcia, what a great post full of practical info. I’ve never heard of the Seven Dwarves of Menopause LOL! Vitamin B 12 keeps showing up in everything I read and research and now again in your post. A trip to down the vitamin aisle is on my agenda to day— since I’m still in Florida maybe I’ll find The Horny Goat Weed too. I’m all for making this vacation memorable. *wink* *wink*

    • LOL, Kate! If you take any prescription meds, do a little research to make sure B’s are okay and won’t conflict.
      Have a great time making memories! 😉

  4. I learned some things here today and since it’s your blog, I trust the advice. I appreciate that, Marcia. There is lots and lots of writing out there on helpful tinctures and toxins. Which is which is the tough part. Great post and thanks.

    • Your trust means a lot to me Ali. I narrow down the sources of information available to those who consistently give info based on real medical research and doctors with an exemplary reputation. If I’m going to offer helpful information, I want it to be tips that have a proven track record for good health and safe use. Thanks so much, Ali.

  5. OMG, I love Natalie’s mom and that she’s so open about her sex life! And I love Diana’s story, too, Priceless. I’m saving that one for my boys. I can already see them squirming. 🙂

    Great post, Marcia, and wonderful advice!

  6. Great post! And I loved Natalie’s story about her mom. Not all adult children are that open minded about their parents enjoying a sex life. When our son and his family went on vacation, we fed their animals. After they got back, my husband told him we had sex in every room of their house–we didn’t–just to get his reaction. He didn’t think it was a bit funny, but our daughter-in-law practically rolled on the floor with laughter.

  7. I was about to say, that human brain is the most important sex-driving organ, but August already stated it. So I want to emphasize the importance of the visual stimulants – lingerie and stilettos for ladies, and nice sexy boxers for men do wonders in bedroom. No sweats or flannel PJs.

    The supplements can help as well, and definitely a good diet, exercise and rest. I love your advices, Marcia. Great post – I’m sure many readers will thank you.

    • Sorry, David…Society considers 60+ to be older adults rather than middle-age adults. Yeah, this definition works for me for another 9 months. 😀

  8. Fantastic post, Marcia! I love your realistic, inspiring view and practical tips. I think that if women felt more empowered, honed a stronger sense of self, and felt truly beautiful, sex would come a whole lot easier at every age. The brain is the strongest sex organ, right?

    I read yesterday that 1/2 of women experience pain during sex… So sad! Those lubricants are so important. Eating pomegranate is also supposed to help. So is practice. 😉

    • I agree, we’d all be better off in every area of our lives if our self-perception was more accurate and loving. Yes, the brain IS the most dominant sex organ! Thanks for the pomegranate tip, August!

  9. Fantastic article Marcia.
    I gotta tell you a story. I mean, if you’ve read my blog, you know my Mom is fabulous. Well, a few years ago, it was around 10 pm and the phone rang. I looked at the number and recognized it was my Mom. I was a bit surprised because it was kind of late for her to be calling. I picked up the phone with a hesitant “hello”.
    She answers and says “I just called to tell you that at 62 years old, I just had THE best sex of my life so….no worries…it ONLY gets better!”
    WAHAHAHA!! How awesome and fabulous is that. Talk about a role model for going into middle age with grace, style, flare and FIRE! I plan on utilizing any and ALL methods to stay happy, healthy and vibrant…just like Mom!
    GREAT post!

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