A Cyberspace Pick-up Joint?

Business first – We have a winner! Last Friday, at the Reflections From Women interview  of Donna Donabella, I announced that I would be giving away a copy of The Moment I Knew, the 3rd Reflections From Women book.

And the winner is – Ginny, from Ginny’s Garden! Ginny, please email your full name and home address (no P.O. Box) to me at Marcia DOT a DOT Richards AT gmail DOT com so I can mail out your copy of The Moment I Knew, a Reflections From Women book.  Congratulations, Ginny!!


Dating. A curse. A blessing. Throughout the ages. In ancient times, it was more about capture than choice. I think, sometimes, it isn’t much different today. 

Gerwol Courtship Festival, Niger - Photo courtesy of anyten.blogspot.com

The world jumped from neanderthals clunking a woman over the head and dragging her off to ravage her in his cave to tribesmen so desperate to have sex that they sneaked into another clan’s community and stole their nubile women. Of course they had to hide out from the tribesmen who came after them to get the girl back, risking losing her again and being burned at the stake. Seems there should have been an easier way. 

Centuries later, when marriages were arranged at birth, man’s desperation waned unless he lusted after someone different. Jump ahead another century and we find matchmakers were used by parents to be sure their daughters would be betrothed before the age of 16. Hopefully the matchmaker had good taste. In the 1600’s when newspapers became the new source of information, more formal matrimonial services cropped up. So now men, or a girl’s parents, were willing and able to pay in dollars rather than a farm animal or a basket of corn for a wife.

Since the mid-1800s, in some countries, the women are the suitors, writing love poetry and giving gifts to the man they pursue. In the U.S., of course, the man is expected to court the woman with dinner and flowers. For a time, it was a more civil experience. That brings us to modern times, where anything goes. Traditional ideas of respect have been tossed out the window. A casual attitude has overridden polite formality. Men and women alike have stooped to embellishing their attributes in hopes of snagging the premium  partner.

By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying –
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

—Dorothy Parker
So several years ago, at the age of 54, I found myself blessedly single again. A Baby Boomer without a clue about dating in the 21st century. I knew about dating sites and joined the one that seemed most popular. I was sure I could lasso a sexy, intelligent and giving man. I knew had to watch out for the model-handsome guys because they are not always as pretty on the inside. I put on my hottest shoes, most glamorous make-up and sexiest outfit, sat down at my computer and happily filled out my profile. Yes, i realize none of them could see me, but it helped get me in the mood. I not-so patiently waited for the offers to come in.  
Umm…yeah, well see that’s the thing…there were offers but they weren’t for dinner dates…or even coffee dates. Over the course of a few months, one guy wanted phone sex, one just wanted to know what color undies I was wearing…everyday. Another guy, before he ever said ‘hello’ told me how he liked his sex administered, to put it politely.
I persevered and went hunting through the profiles on my own. What I found were al lot of men who were determined to find Ms. Right and she looked like Barbie. That wasn’t me, so I kept looking, eventually to no avail.
A few guys, who actually knew what a date was, contacted me – except – one man was 7 feet 3 inches tall and so self-conscious about it, he walked bent over, didn’t look me in the eye and carried all of his garbage from home in the trunk of his car! It seems he didn’t have a dumpster where he lived and expected to use my cans. Seriously?
The next guy was a garbage man at the local nuclear power plant. He was so proud of his job that he talked of nothing else for 2 h.o.u.r.s! I decided right then if anyone else mentioned garbage, I’d dump them right then and there.
The third one, walked like a duck but I thought I could overlook that if he spoke and behaved human enough. He did take me to dinner, but when the waitress brought the check he said, “Hey, honey, can you leave a little something for the girl?” WHAT?! I don’t mind going dutch if I’m aware that’s the arrangement up front. To spring it on me at the last possible moment and then to say it the way he did–uh uh. He exhibited his excessively tight ways on the second and last date, as well. Just so wrong.
Still after all these disasters, I thought I’d give it one more try.  A younger man contacted me one night. Sounded good. He was a fireman, very hunky and said he liked older women (i.e. cougars). I met him at a local club where I had friends. That’s when I realized how young he was – 32 – not much older than my kids! I was torn between feeling really hot and sexy because I attracted a stud like him and thinking this kid is nuts if he thinks we’ll have anything in common. Of course we could have a mother son relationship, but it didn’t take long for this dense 54 year old to figure out why he contacted me. We left the club, walked to my car and he got in to “chat”. Uh, no…he wanted to ‘do it’ in. my. car. Oy!
After 6 months of online dating, I wanted to toss my computer off my balcony. I gave up dating instead and decided I could be alone for the rest of my life if I had to, just to avoid another experience like these last few months.
Thank goodness I met my very perfect-for-me husband not long after.
Texting on a keyboard phone
Flash forward to present day. I visited Jenny Hansen’s blog post, What’s the Deal with Sexting? , and learned a whole new technique for dating. Sexting is a new way of meeting and getting to know someone. But that’s not all, as the name implies it’s also text sex. Like phone sex with typing instead of talking. Here’s the definition Jenny found in the Urban Dictionary:

Sexting: When two people (usually a guy and a girl) send dirty text messages back and forth to each other. Pictures may also be included, but only if you’re lucky.

Sound weird? You really have to read all about it before you decide. I totally think I would have gotten into this when I was dating, had it been around then. If the guy doesn’t give good sext, you just don’t respond to his future texts! Seems like an efficient way to weed out the weirdos, too!

Do go read Jenny Hansen’s post on Sexting, if you haven’t already. Since I’ve only barely scratched the surface of dating, there is a lot of room for discussion and debate.

I’m dying to hear all about your experiences! Do tell!

Don’t forget! Join us on Life List Friday this week when I’ll be guest posting on Jenny Hansen’s More Cowbell and Pam Hawley from Hawleyville will be holding court right here!


4 thoughts on “A Cyberspace Pick-up Joint?

  1. Marcia, I’m so sorry it too me more than a day to get over here! I’ve been sick, sick, sick this week. What a great post! And what a lucky lady you are to have met your honey…I think the universe sends our person to us when we’re truly ready.

    I’m looking forward to hosting you this Friday!!

    • Oh, Jenny, don’t give it another thought! I know you’ve been sick, but I hope you’re on the mend. Sick as you are, I’m amazed you’ve been up to booting up the computer let alone doing blog maintenance! Glad you stopped in…and I agree…when we’re in the right place we send out vibes that brings the right guy right to our doors.

      Excited to be at More Cowbell on Friday! See you then!

  2. I’m leaving your post with a smile, but know at the time, for you it wasn’t funny!

    I’ve not met a man with whom I’d rather share my life and my living quarters, other than my husband, and fortunately haven’t had to look! That doesn’t mean Utopia, but it works for me. Sexting? Not yet. Grin. Great informative post, Marcia!

I love it when you tell me what you think!

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